I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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