she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
