I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Two words: blizzard sex
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize