life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize