The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
