I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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