what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
