They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
