Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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