nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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