I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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