Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
