The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
