I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She told me I should be a condom model.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
