remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
there is glitter all over my balls
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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