So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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