Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
