how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
