woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
