But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
