Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
