Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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