There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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