this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
