god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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