her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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