I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
