we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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