I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
