Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
