He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
