omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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