Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
