This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
