I accidentally had phone sex last night
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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