After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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