I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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