I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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