Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
