Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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