I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
