Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
