She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We need to get me chipped asap
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
