i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
