im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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