He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
