the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
