Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
false alarm, still single
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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