That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
