I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
