Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Buhtt sex?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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