Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Randomize
