the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
