took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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