I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
