we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
