Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
