So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
