SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
