and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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