did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
