the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
