Your tits are I can't wait for
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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