Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
